A few weeks ago I sat down to paint my fingers and toes. This is one of my favorite “me-time” activities. Not only do I save myself $50/month, but I frankly like the way I do my own nails better than any salon ever does them.
Unfortunately, by the time I got ready to do my toe nails, I was all but falling asleep. I’ll do them in the morning I lied to myself. The next morning came and went, along with like four more mornings. Until Friday night when it was time to go to see a play and I realized I couldn’t wear any of my heels because they all had open toes and I had…empty toes. Ugly old empty toes. Frankly, I got angry. Angry that I’d thrown away my one pair of closed-toed heels because they were falling apart at the seams and now I needed them. Angry that I didn’t have the money in my bank account to go shoe shopping. Angry that even if I did have the money in my account, I wouldn’t spend it on myself anyway. Angry that other people have NICE, NAME BRAND shoes that make them feel fancy. AND WHY CAN’T I HAVE EYELASH EXTENSIONS?! I used to get them but I can’t afford them anymore and they were my favorite thing and now I have NO heels to wear and short eyelashes.
I picked through the shelves of my closet looking for what, I don’t know, until I came upon a box. “Oh. I forgot about these.” My friend lent me a pair of shoes to wear to my wedding and I didn’t end up needing them. I set them on a shelf in their box because I didn’t feel comfortable wearing her shoes unless it was to my wedding, but when I calculated that that was 9 months ago, I thought it was possible she wouldn’t care. I looked back at the box. What kind of shoes are these? I wondered.
I hadn’t heard of Vince Camuto until late last summer when I was at Disney with a group of Beachbody coaches. We went into a Vince store because everyone loved that store (and I pretended to love it, too, even though I didn’t know the guy) and one of the dudes bought some of his cologne. It smelled great and seemed fancy so I bought Bear a little bottle. Some of the other girls bought shoes while they were there, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
But here I was, standing in my closet with a pair of Vince Camuto heels. Sparkly ones, too. With closed toes. The very thing I was complaining about not having 15 seconds before I was holding in my hand. Every aspect of what I asked for was right here: nice, name brand, fancy, closed toe.
“Let go and let God.” This is what they tell me. That if I have the faith the size of a mustard seed, I can move mountains.
I’ll tell you, I’m a big believer in God, but He and I have been in a big ol’ fight for a while now. I’ve been believing in him for some serious stuff, praying a lot, listening for answers, and boy if he isn’t preoccupied making amazing things happen in other people’s lives lately. I’m focused everyday on avoiding the potential disasters surrounding me and He’s off galavanting with celebrities, I can only assume. There are so many days I ask Him, “Where ARE you?!?!” But I’m coming to think that maybe it’s the “let go” part I’m not doing. The “let God” part I’m all good with. Let God. You do it, God. It’s all You. Go for it. Fix the problems.
It’s the letting go and believing that He’s constantly working on my behalf if I’ll get out of the way that is my biggest challenge. It’s doing what I can do as a human, but then stepping back and leaving a little room for a high power to do the work I cannot do on my own (but really like to think that I can).
That little room between what I can do and what God can do, I think that’s what they call faith.
It’s that moment that I looked around my closet aimlessly with no real mission or expectation that God gifted me the exact shoes I said I wanted.
Except, they weren’t mine. So I texted my friend.
You read that? “You can keep em!” So now, they’re mine. A perfectly perfect, flashy, simple, closed toed, name brand, fancy pair of heels…delivered 9 months ago, 15 seconds after I asked for them. I dunno if that’s faith or luck or coincidence or whatever, but I think it’s how God works. We ask, we move where we can, and then we get OUT OF THE WAY. Because He thinks of stuff we don’t think about so we can have what we want in WAY easier ways than driving to Nordstroms and putting it on a credit card.
P.S. My coach at the gym walked in with some brand new flashy eyelash extensions this week. She told me about the woman she found who does them out of her home and charges a third the price I used to pay. So. I’m getting those, too.