HeyMomHeyMomHeyMomHeyMom

My son talks.
He talks all day long.
Today, in particular, I had to request that he please WATCH TV just so I could think for 15 uninterrupted minutes.
This morning my mom texted me, “Ready for school to start?”
“YES.”

I thought you all would enjoy knowing some of our exchanges today…

“Hey, Mom. I can’t eat this granola bar because it broke.”
“You break it when you bite it, anyway.”
“Yeah, but with my TEETH. This broke with my HANDS so I can’t eat it.”

“Hey, Mom? Why are we driving to this restaurant?”
“We’re not. We’re going to a store next to it.”
“A store next to it?”
“Yes.”
“What is the name of the store?”
“Target.”
“We’re going to a store called Target?”
“Yes.”
“Why are we going to a store named Target?”
“To buy something.”
“To buy something?”
<Mom’s brain falls out.>

“Hey Mom can I have a snack?”
“You just ate.”
“But I’m sooooooo hungry I’ll diiiiiie.”

“I know that, mom. I know everything.”
“You don’t know everything, Abe.”
“Yes I do. I know when a chocolate bar is good. I know water towers have water in them. I know how to be awake. I know trees like rain…”

“Hey Mom, when you have another baby, we’ll need a bigger car.”
“If I have another baby that’s true, but I’m not having another baby.”
“But if you eat broccoli and cooked carrots and crunchy carrots and chips and scrambled eggs with ketchup, your stomach will get so big that a baby will pop out.”
“Yes. That’s how it works.”

Sometimes he quiet. Like when he’s actively drinking something through a straw.

“Hey Mom, do you wanna play Goose with me?”
“Is that like Duck-Duck-Goose?”
“No. We just sit down and pretend to be geese. We just sit down.”
“Fun.”

“I can’t go in my room to clean up, mom.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m scared of fire.”
“There’s no fire in your room, Abe.”
“But what if there was?! WE DON’T HAVE A FIRE TRUCK.”

(I’m going to bed veeeeeery early tonight. In complete silence.)

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