Y’all. I have written 8 blogs in my head this week and ONE that I’ve actually published. I hate using the word “busy”, but I’ve been busy.
This summer I’ve had my son most of the time, Bear’s son full-time, and Bear’s mom has been with us for five weeks (she has helped me GREATLY with the kids so I could work!). We’ve been out of town every weekend for the past five weeks. We have gone on daytime adventures, Abe’s been in camp some of the time and home some of the time, and I bought a new rug. (The rug part wasn’t stressful or overwhelming. I just love the new rug.)
I’ve also been in physical therapy twice a week. It took me eight sessions, two visits to my primary care physician, and a LOT of hours on the phone to get my insurance to cover it. But just this week, insurance approved the physical therapy. Because occasionally, with enough atta-boys and “You can do it!”s, insurance companies actually insure their clients get healthcare. It’s like the sighting of an albino mockingbird, but it happens.
I told you earlier this summer that I was going to write a blog about how wonderful physical therapy was and blah blah blah… Well, it really was. My hip slowly but surely tilted back into the proper position and, as it did, I learned just how out of whack my muscles have become!! I compensated for the pain in my leg when I broke it by using other body parts, and that caused all my muscles to get confused. One muscle would grab the jelly, another would grab two pieces of bread, and by the end everything would be shoved into the peanut butter jar and served with a fork. We still ate lunch, but it was NOT the way we used to do it.
On the first day of physical therapy my Kiwi Therapist (he was from New Zealand) asked me to lie on my back, tense my transverse abdominal muscles (the ones right behind your hip bones), and lift one knee at a time. I flexed them.
“Go ahead. Flex,” Kiwi said.
“No, right here. Where my fingers are. Flex there,” he repeated.
“Oh. I see. Ok. Change of plans…”
Just that one little “exercise” demonstrated how far behind the curve I was. So, we started with just trying to tense my muscles. I didn’t even get to knee-lifts until week 3.
It’s not that I’m weak. It’s that I’m out-of-order strong. But Kiwi worked with me every week to find the sleepy muscles and wake them up after he gently tried to unjam my hip with his bear hands.
Kiwi is very strong.
Three weeks ago, Kiwi suggested I get a gym membership and continue the simple exercises with heavier and heavier weights in the coming months. I called around and tried a few different methods for getting a gym membership I could afford but I just kept coming up short (on cash). They all required sign-up fees of anywhere from $50 to $100. They had contracts. They cost $30-$100 monthly. Some covered the whole family. Some, just me.
Last week, I finally said this prayer:
God? I would like a gym membership at a gym near my house without a contract. I don’t want to pay a sign-up fee. And I don’t want to have to find the gym. I want you to tell me which one it is. I want it to find ME.
Last Thursday a representative from a local gym happened to be at a restaurant where I was eating and offered me a week-long free pass out of the blue. I told him I wanted a gym membership with no contract and no sign-up fee. The next morning I got a call from the manager of that gym asking me to come in and get my key-card. The monthly payment is less than the others and includes my whole family.
The entire point of this blog is that I’m still surrendering. A lot. It’s the word of the year, in fact. I’m surrendering to being busy. To having a full house. To physical therapy. To insurance companies. To gym memberships. I’m finding that surrender actually requires me to make a very specific request and then REALLY giving up my will and what I wish would happen. It seems counterintuitive, but truth is I don’t have control over anything. Literally letting things happen around me can seem kind of pacifist at times, but I assure you it takes strength and action to remain in life’s flow. Think about being caught in a raging river. You can try to swim against it; huge energy-suck and certain death. Or, you can go with it; still a challenge to survive but far more doable if you can keep your head above water.
I went to the gym this morning. I did the exercise bike and some light weights while I watched the spin class having so much fun…