Mah Body (Is Weird Now)

Let’s be real.

My body is kinda weird now.

Weird knot on one side, weird divot on the other side.

Weird knot on one side, weird divot on the other side.

I have weird stretch marks and some kinda saggy parts of my already flat-ish butt, but only on the LEFT side. The side I haven’t really walked on for a year. The right side looks great.
My left thigh is thin. Too thin. It’s about 70% the size of my right one, which is INCREDIBLY well-defined.
My right calf isn’t as well formed as my left one, though, because I’ve been avoiding using my left leg EXCEPT for when I step down on my toe (which is always). And if you step down on your toe, what muscle does it flex? THE CALF.
I have a few lumpy scars on my left leg from surgery, a few divots in my right leg from the accident.
And that about sums up my legs.

Do we even start a conversation about my stomach? We probably don’t.

My arms, though. MY ARMS. My arms look fantastic. So I’ve got that going for me.

I’ve been favoring my left leg for so long that muscles in my body have literally atrophied. Not to a point that I can’t use them, but definitely to the point of being noticeably smaller and less toned. And because all parts of my body are connected, I haven’t been putting the emphasis on my core I usually do, or squeezing my buns when I go up stairs, or even holding my hips straight while I walk. So while yoga has been my secret lover since November, there are poses I’ve been doing in weird and kind of awkward ways in order to continue favoring my left leg.

I am both ready and terrified to re-start The 21 Day Fix. I’d just finished my 21 days last year, the morning of my accident. It was the muscles in my leg that held my broken femur inside my body, keeping me from MAJOR blood loss (not to mention having to see my own bone). I know how incredibly important it is to have strong, flexible muscles. I know FIRST HAND how they can save your life, and make life-altering accidents less life-altering. I know that building my muscle actually strengths my bones (and I could use some strong bones growing right about now). I know all the practical parts of starting The 21 Day Fix at day 1.

And I’m totally terrified.

I’m not starting over. I’ve starting in reverse. I can barely squat all the way down on my left leg, not because it hurts…because I’m so weak. I am scared that after 21 days I won’t be close to where I was last year, because I probably won’t. Frankly, it sucks. And I’ve got a million excuses not to do it.


Except that I’ve told a lot of people I would. I promised to show up with them and for them every day. I promised Autumn when I met her last year that I would start again as soon as I could. I promised myself I would get strong again. So, in essence, this is now an issue of character. I said I would do it. Now I will.

So if you’re one of those people I promised to suffer through that first hell-week or sore muscles and starving bellies with, I’m going to. Because everyday that I show up for you, you show up for me.

March 30.

We squat.


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