I’ve known a lot of “go-getters” in my day. They are people who are constantly creating new businesses or coming up with ideas for inventions or hurriedly seeking their own personal fortunes.
I’m definitely a go-getter.
I love taking myself to the limits to create something new. There are few challenges I won’t win and then master. It’s just part of my perfectionistic personality. When I was told I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with Abraham, I was offered insulin to control my blood sugar. But I refused it and, instead, counted every gram of sugar in everything I ate to maintain healthy levels just to prove I could.
You hear that? Just to prove I could.
I, like most people, am comparing myself to everyone around me. I do it all the time. And a lot of the time I base my actions on how I can PROVE I can do it to y’all. For example, I want to prove that I can make it on my own. I want to prove I don’t need anyone else to pay my bills. To take care of my financial needs. I will pinch every penny until they all split in two. I will go without for MONTHS to prove that I can do it on my own. And I feel like people looking at me are thinking, “Wow. She’s really independent. She can really handle herself.” I feel proud. Exhausted, empty, overwhelmed, and PROUD.
So sick, right?
So if my intention is to prove I can do it, and I actually MEET that goal, have I done something worth mentioning? The intention with which you do anything is the real point of it. If I pay for the woman in front of me’s groceries but I do so because I want to show God how giving I am, then what’s the point? I’m sure she’s glad her groceries are paid for either way, but the greater good isn’t actually served because you acted out of ego, out of pride. And if you’re reason for being a go-getter is anything less than your most passionate, passionful, passion-ey passions, then you’re not being of service.
Being of service means following the call and doing what you KNOW you were meant to do. (And if you don’t KNOW what you were meant to do, then being of service means finding out.)
I nearly killed myself this last month being in a play. I took care of Abe and Bear, and then Bear took care of Abe for me, and I cooked and I cleaned and I memorized lines and blocking and collected costumes and on and on and on. But you know what my intention was? To practice something I LOVE. I mean LOVE. Even when I hate it I love it. I would rather be exhausted and overworked and near death WHILE being in a play than bored and well-rested wearing clothes I actually coordinated. I didn’t do it to prove I could. I did it because I love it.
So I want to offer up permission to some of you who might need it. In all my divine right (there’s no real way to prove divine right, I googled it, so don’t argue that point), I give permission to those of us who are tired of “going and getting” to just stop it. Stop going and getting and give yourself permission to just be. If it’s the constant stream of revenue you’re trying to create, just relax for a minute. Get a job at Starbucks or whatever to pay the bills and RELAX. If it’s the fame or to prove you can or whatever, just stop it. Unless it’s because you have a passion (and don’t say “making lots of money is my passion”), then take a look at you intention and figure out how you can make small changes towards what lights you UP inside.
And then go.
(Thank you to those of you who donated to my sweet Bella’s caregivers. I was able to raise $200 in under 24 hours. As soon as the money is deposited into my account by GoFundMe, I will be taking them $200 in cold, hard cash. Pictures to come!)