Let’s see. So far in the past 9 months:
I got separated.
I moved out of my home.
I got divorced.
I suffered a debilitating depression.
I lost my job.
I went to Hawaii on a one-week yoga retreat.
I got a new job.
I (very reluctantly) met a Bear.
My son got sick 4 times.
I broke my leg and three ribs.
I got an all-expenses paid trip to Vegas.
My son had to have a tonsillectomy/adnoidectomy surgery.
I had a life coaching session this past week with Bryan Reeves, a guy I randomly ran into in the comments section of a blog a few months ago. It was our second session and, frankly, I was just sort of throwing my hands up in the air when we started talking. I mean, look at the list. That’s not even all of it. How could a life coach even begin to coach this erratic life?
We talked for almost 2 hours, and as usual he helped me come to a few of my own conclusions. Talking around and around my frustrations and hearing him mirror back the parallels in my own little speeches, it came down to the same thing it always comes down to: the belief that I don’t deserve the good that happens in my life.
I always find excellent reason for deserving the bad that happens. The “bad” is teaching me something, redirecting me in life, giving me a better understanding of myself. It’s not that I think I deserve bad things…it’s that I think bad things happen for an important reason and I can accept that. What I can never wrap my mind around is that I don’t just have to learn through pain. I can, and deserve, to learn through joy as well. And I deserve for the good things that happen to me to be just that…good things.
Uber-Honesty Alert: Accepting the good into my life is super difficult. I don’t want bad things to happen to me, but sometimes it’s just easier to share the bad things than it is to gracefully accept and share the good that happens. Ever notice how calling a friend and saying, “You are not going to believe some bullsh*t that happened to me this morning…” creates a far better conversation than, “My day has been awesome so far!” I’d much prefer share the Facebook status “I broke my leg” as opposed to “I made a bunch of extra money week.” It feels braggy to share the good, it feels like the rest of the world will far faster judge the positive I attract into my life than they will the negative. But guess what? I made a bunch of extra money this week. It may not start the world’s greatest conversation, but that doesn’t mean I ought to feel bad about it!
We ended the conversation with Bryan talking to me about evidence. He knows that I’m a practical person, someone who needs the numbers, the PROOF that I deserve something good. As if I need to experience a certain amount of bad to be able to accept some good. He said to me, “The evidence that you deserve all the good that is happening to you is that it’s happening.”
It wouldn’t be happening if I didn’t deserve it. That’s just how the universe works. And the bad stuff that happens…it doesn’t mean I deserve a divorce and a lost job and a broken leg and a kid with infected tonsils. It means life happens and sometimes a lot of it happens all at once. It’s not indicative of whether or not I’ve EARNED a broken leg.
Because that would be silly, Erin. No one earns a broken leg.
If you’re like me and you have major issues accepting compliments, taking gifts, being loved for no good reason…just stop it. You deserve the joy, and you deserve to LEARN from the joy. Bad stuff is gonna happen, but no one is going to be mad at you if you share the good stuff with them. And if they are, they’re jealous. And maybe dumb.