You Don’t Get It

hopkins duckI’m not a particularly religious person. I definitely believe in God and I have some hippy-dippy spiritual beliefs that make sense to me, but I celebrate religious holidays either because my family does or because it’s just generally acceptable (not because a particular religion tells me to). Although, yesterday during Easter I started thinking about what Easter really is. Obviously it’s not a holiday based on chocolate and bunnies (although trying to explain this to my 3-year-old is a real treat on tomorrow’s blog). In the Christian faith, it is the day that Jesus rose after having been crucified on the cross for his beliefs three days prior. Crucifixion and resurrection.
I’m not here to argue religious beliefs. Although analyzing it, I’m realizing that Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection are a metaphor for my life, and everyone’s life if you choose to see it that way. What my life was 6 months ago has died, and what I am today is in the process of being reborn. It will happen again in my lifetime and again in yours. Of course, no one literally crucified me, but I can honestly say that parts of me are gone and won’t be coming back; they’ll be replaced with something else.
Someone once said to me (I think it was my therapist, but I can’t remember) – “As soon as you think you get it, you don’t get it.” Basically that means that as soon as you think you have life figured out, like you understand what’s happening and you know what’s going to happen, something comes along to throw you off your game. This isn’t because life is evil or because you’ll never truly be happy. It’s because it’s LIFE. It ebbs and flows in cycles, up and down, good and bad, death and rebirth. There is no reason to think that your life should be anything different than new things and new challenges that you “don’t get.”
A few weeks ago I started to feel comfortable in life again. I wrote a blog about finally feeling happy and content and like I was on the right path. For a moment, I felt like, “Ok. I’m back. I get it.” And, because I’m a slow learner…BAM. Blindsided again. This time I wasn’t blindsided by someone else but rather by own emotions, emotions I didn’t even know were lying dormant waiting for the perfect moment to pop up and said, “Hey! By the way! You’re not over this!” This happened NOT because life’s wiffle ball bat is always hiding around the corner waiting to smack me in the face. It happened to remind me that when I get into the frame of mind that I have everything under control and I understand it all, life has to give me the head’s up again that I am not in control nor do I understand it all. Dummy.
My happiness today isn’t and can’t be based in having everything under control. My happiness today is based in TODAY, which means that considering anything else (past or future) is a waste of my time (and rather egotistical when you think about how insane it is to believe I actual have control of any darn thing). My happiness today is based in knowing that every day I give up my “need to know” or my belief that I’ve got it figured out, I can relax into faith.
Ha. Faith.
Which brings me right back ’round to my initial point. Metaphorical death and rebirth isn’t necessarily a long process of therapy appointments and self-help books. If I can trust that every knock-out punch, every gut check, every snake in the grass doesn’t have to take me out for 6 months, I may find more happy days than not. I’ve got major faith that I can trust in what’s happening this very moment, every morning. So, my lovelies, stay present, keep your certainty in check with a fair dose of uncertainty, and the second you think you “get it,” DUCK!

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