You Don’t Know Until You Know

I find that Abe’s growth spurts ebb and flow, and so do my like and dislike of his different phases. I am really looking forward to this 14-18 month phase being OVER. And yes, I know every single mother on the planet is now saying, “YOU’LL MISS IT WHEN IT’S GONE!” Do I miss Abe when he was little and cuddly and fit perfectly in my arms?? Yes, I do. But not as much as I like sleeping.

I look forward to when he can walk and I can take him to the park without watching his knees scrape across wood chips as he desperately tries to make it to the swings. I look forward to when he can talk and tell me what the freak he wants for lunch instead of screaming and throwing foods that didn’t happen to be on his most desirable foods menu that day. I look forward to when I can point things out and discuss things with Abraham instead of pointing things out and then talking to myself for a half an hour while he chews on his fist and poops. Like today for example:

I’m in the car with Abe and at every single stoplight there is a police car with an inordinate amount of lights flashing. More than just the, “Get your hearts ready, I’m coming up behind ya!” lights you usually see. But lights coming from everywhere. I think the tires were lighting up. Cops weren’t stopping anybody, just sitting there at each light. I kept saying to Abe, “Look! Look at all these lights, Abe! What are all these cops doing??” Did he look? I don’t know, I doubt it. Finally as we approached the next light we came to a standstill. The next disco-ball of a cop car sitting at the light began blocking off the lanes of traffic going my direction. A big concrete median in the middle of the road, there was nowhere for us to go. “Can you believe this, Abe? We’re stuck here!” (I am so sick of talking to myself.) Suddenly in the distance I saw a few motorcycles lit up like Christmas trees. Then a few more behind that. “OH! Abe! I think this is a motorcade! It’s either a funeral or a famous person! Can you see it?” A flash of the local news from the night before reminded me that the first lady was supposed to be in town today and just as it flashed, it hit me! A big black Yukon surrounded by motorcycles and cop cars? That’s the first lady! “THAT’S THE PRESIDENT’S WIFE! SCREAM ABE! SHOUT HELLO!” I rolled my window down.

“MICHELLE!!! MICHELLE OBAMA!!!” As I screamed Michelle Obama’s name out of my mid-size SUV window, I realized that I’ve reached that point during motherhood WHEN women get pregnant with a second child. Because it’s going to be at least a year before I can get Abe to scream out of his window at celebrities and presidents’ wives or respond to me in the grocery store. And until then what am I supposed to do? Go on talking to myself in public and hating this phase of Abe’s screamy little life? NO! I’M SUPPOSED TO HOLE UP AND GET PREGNANT TO DISTRACT MYSELF!

So that’s why you moms have one right after the other so quickly. See, you just don’t know until you know.

1 Comment on You Don’t Know Until You Know

  1. Kelly Umbelina
    October 27, 2011 at 3:32 pm (8 years ago)

    Ha! Love it 🙂 Winking at you.


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