Eff off. You do a burpee. (Part 1)

During my separation and divorce, I lost everything that made me ME. I stopped cooking. I stopped watching Oprah. I stopped going for walks. And while I did, I lost 10 pounds.
(Go ahead, scoff.)
I am a small person, 5’1″ on a good day. My weight is typically around 107lbs, and that’s healthy for me.
(Please, be my guest. Scoff again. I don’t care.)
When I went to my doctor’s office to get a prescription for anti-anxiety pills back in December, she weighed me. I weighed 97lbs. After starting the anti-anxiety meds, I lost more weight. Now, trust, I was eating. I was eating at regular intervals. When I moved in with my roommates, they both announced I ate more than any person they’d ever seen. But my adrenaline was constantly pumping, waiting for the next punch to the gut. And when you get separated and divorced, it’s all punches to the gut. So, my body couldn’t keep weight on.
Hard truth: when people told me I looked skinny during that time, I loved it. I was doing nothing and keeping the weight down and my skinny┬ájeans were falling off. Sick? Yes. Female? Hell yes. Women (at least me) crave people telling us we look too skinny because too skinny feels AWESOME. “Too skinny” is where we want to be. Until…
Cut to 4 months later. Life is beginning to feel like life again. I’m watching FoodNetwork, cooking beautiful meals, watching Oprah, etc. My adrenaline has stopped it’s marathon race through my body. I’m settling back in to stasis. And because of that, I gained back the weight. Only, I didn’t gain the 10 pounds of muscle I lost. I gained 10 pounds of fat. So, in short, I hate the way my body looks and feels right now…
I hate her.
I hate her.
I’ve been a coach for BeachBody.com for 6 years. I’ve done almost all of their workout programs, but I saw a new one that lots of my girlfriends were using and I decided it’s time. I have to get back into a workout routine and find my muscles again. It’s called the 21-Day Fix, and it includes workouts and these nifty little tupperware containers that help you with portion control. (More on that later.)
So today was my first day doing a workout. Last night I ate nearly an entire t-bone steak, a baked potato, roasted vegetables, 3 beers, and a large slice of strawberry shortcake because I’m an idiot. I wanted to go out with a bang…and I did. I nearly killed myself eating all that food. But I did it and I did so proudly.
This morning I woke up ready to take on Day 1 of the 21-Day Fix. I popped in my first work-out DVD, began the jogging and jumping and other ridiculous movements that no caveman EVER had to do to stay in shape while my roommate watched. And then, in the middle of a jumping jack, I peed a little.
Yep. I’m 32. And I peed my pants doing a jumping jack.
I paused the workout and raced to the bathroom so my heartrate wouldn’t go down too low because isn’t that the whole point of this thing to get your heartrate up and not PEE IN YOUR PANTS WITHIN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF THE WORKOUT and also I hate that woman with her bikini body and abs and why am I doing this I like chocolate.
So, it started like that…

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