Oh, people. Where do I even begin?
When we signed up for this adoption class, I pictured (for whatever reason) a bunch of people that looked like us. I guess I figured people who want to adopt are within the first third of their life with small children and partners. As it turns out, every kind of person from every walk of life wants to adopt a kid. Single women, single men, older couples, the sheriff, servicemen, grandmothers…they all want to adopt kids. We were the only people our age in there.
As soon as we walked in, I noticed the gay couple sitting at the table across from us. Yes. Gay guys. I immediately started imagining how the next 9 classes would play out in terms of our relationships. We would become friends in class and then eventually move to Facebook. Then we would start having casual dinners out while we were both going through our respective home studies. We would joke about how long the process is and share glasses of wine over how funny we felt when our case worker interviewed our neighbors. Oh man! They asked if they’ve ever heard us having sex! EMBARRASSING!! Oh, and the day one of us is matched to a child, oh how we will celebrate together. A beautiful friendship based on such an incredible experience. Best. Friends. Forever.
Then they introduced their wives to the class during, “Tell us about yourself.”
I refocused on the learning of it all. With a 17 inch notebook full of adoption information, there were so many places for me to take notes and fill in worksheets. Blue pen, blank spaces, this is my dream come true. I immediately began to fill out the paperwork that isn’t due for another 6 weeks when the class teacher walked in. And within 45 seconds, I realized that I would in no way, shape, or form, be able to take this class seriously.
The first words out of her mouth made little to no sense. It was as if English was her second language, or perhaps third. And let me be clear: it wasn’t. And with an outline of Session 1 in my notebook, I can assure you we in no way followed it. We left the actual overall topic of the session no less than 24 times.
She said things like, “expecially” and “so many crisises.” The willy nilly use of the word, “literally,” almost drove my head into a wall. For example, “We literally had to dig up her sister to find out if she was related…” Literally? You literally had to dig her up? No you didn’t. No. You. Didn’t. You figuratively dug her up, or you literally researched her whereabouts until you found her. YOU DID NOT LITERALLY DIG HER UP.
Then came the questions.
“Who here thinks it’s just super easy to adopt a baby?”
“Who here thinks that when you adopt a baby, they’ll just automatically bond with you?”
“Who here thinks your adopted child will look like you?”
“Who here thinks that after you adopt a child, you should just move away?”
No one. No one thinks any of that. No one anywhere.
The icing on the cake…Our “teacher” offered us a break. Because we’d all been trying to follow whatever the hell was going on for 2 hours, we agreed. After 15 minutes she returned, but only to take her seat at the head of the room to check Facebook. So after another 10 minutes of that, we’d sufficiently wasted 25 minutes. When she reconvened, she explained that it was time to watch a video but she couldn’t get a TV that night, so if no one had any other questions we were all dismissed. WE JUST GOT FINISHED A 25 MINUTE BREAK AND NOW WE’RE DISMISSED. Utter waste of time.
So here’s my mantra: Somewhere out there a little boy or girl needs a family. We want to be that family and in order to do that, we have to attend insufferable classes lasting 3 hours twice a week for 6 weeks. Anyone can do that, and anyone who wants to find that little girl or boy would do it. You’re worth it, little one, you hear me?! You’re worth it, and we’re going to find you.
(Not everyone would blog about it…but that’s what makes me special…)