An Open Letter

This cartoon is somewhat unrelated but made me laugh.

To The Woman Throwing a Fit about her Boarding Zone in Line Ahead of Me in the Charlotte Airport,

Flying has been around for a number of years now, as has boarding said airplanes. While it may seem arbitrary to you, it is likely that someone prior to you considered the boarding process and how it could best be carried out. You may find your unsolicited insight valuable to the woman behind the gate counter, but I’m guessing it’s not. So, if I may, I’ll better inform you of the boarding process. They no longer board planes according to row number. It’s zone number. The woman behind the counter did not choose your boarding zone number. She can’t change your boarding zone number.

Your cell phone fanny pack is truly something to behold. And your four, bright pink carry-on bags (assuredly weaseled all the way to the gate after a breakdown similar to the one I’m witnessing you have now) that have taken residence in the middle of the boarding area do make a lovely little centerpiece. I realize it is probably unconscionable to you that there might not be enough overhead space for you to properly tuck all this baggage softly into the bin above your weary, little head because you are in boarding zone 5, but again, the woman taking your ticket does not have control of the overhead space available in the cabin. She did not design the plane, either. She also did not call the other passengers and ask them to bring as many carry-on bags as possible so as to lessen your chances of comfortably keeping every belonging you own close by and safe for this nearly two-hour flight.

Now, I know the tone in which you are using to speak to people who can’t help you at this point has encouraged them not to help you. But, if I may follow your lead and provide some unsolicited advice, why don’t you try to find the good in this situation? Like, for example, you are about to get onto an aircraft and fly somewhere. FLY there. In fact, all you have to do when you get on board is sit down and maybe read or take a nap and someone else is actually going to fly you to your final destination. You don’t have to know how to do anything. You’ll get there faster than any other method of transportation, and you have the money and physical ability to do it. AMAZING! Someone will bring you cold (or hot) beverages and maybe even a snack. When you land, the other people on the plane will carefully and kindly file out in an orderly line. Men who pass by you will offer to help you get your bags from the overhead compartment. The staff will even wave goodbye to you as you leave. If you’re SUPER nice, the pilot will even let you peer inside the cockpit!

So in conclusion, Woman Throwing a Fit about her Boarding Zone, you’ve certainly made my day because I write a blog… but I doubt the others around you are so lucky. Best of luck to you and your blunt bangs from 1984.

Sincerely,
Woman Who Just Brought a Purse and Water Bottle on the Plane

P.S. Special thanks to Louis CK for reminding me how awesome flying is.
P.S.S. Have a beautiful weekend. 🙂

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