I saw this quote today:
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
There are a lot of personality types that I can deal with. In fact, I think I’ve got a knack for handling people that the general population wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. But you know who gets under my skin? People-pleasers.
They come in all shapes and sizes and the symptoms of their disease vary:
1. They can’t ever make a decision.
“Want chinese or pizza?”
“Oh. I don’t know. What do you want? Do you like one more than the other? It doesn’t make a different to me.”
Just fracking tell me what you want!
2. When they do make decisions, they make it clear it’s for your benefit.
“Ok. Well, how about chinese then?”
“Oh. Sure. Ok. I had chinese for lunch but that’s okay. I like chinese pretty well, anyway.”
Well, great, now I feel all icky about having made the decision you wouldn’t make and now you don’t like the decision but you’re still going along with it…
3. They agree with everything you say.
“I wish we would have gotten pizza, instead.”
“I know. Pizza would have been great.”
Then why didn’t you just say PIZZA when I ASKED?
4. They go out of their way to keep things from being “even”.
“Can I have a bite of your cashew chicken?”
“Yes! Oh, definitely, have as much as you want!”
“Here, take some of my moo goo gai pan.”
“Oh no, I don’t want to eat all of your lunch.”
Awesome. I look like a selfish creep because I’m eating your lunch but you won’t eat mine.
5. And they despise confrontation, so they lie.
“Did you eat my last spring roll or did I?”
“No! I didn’t!”
“Oh, I was going to tell you to eat it because I don’t want it.”
I didn’t care either way but now we both have to be uncomfortable because we both know you lied.
The reason I care so little for this personality is because I think it’s actually incredibly manipulative. By being dishonest about what you want, you are robbing other people of the opportunity to get to know you and please you! Do you know these people? ARE YOU one of these people? Well, stop it. Be honest about what you want and the people who don’t like you because of who you ARE aren’t people you want in your life anyway. And if you don’t have enough self-esteem to be proud of who you are, go take a karate class or something. Or a pottery class. Or a dance class. Unless you can’t decide…
I’m probably just ranting because I’m a recovering people pleaser. Is that okay?