Target: A Mom’s Voice

I was recently sent this blog posting by a friend. While I read it I did one of those looking around the room to see if anyone else found this as funny as I did kind of laughs. I was alone.

Inside the Mind of a 2-Year-Old.

Later that week I made a trip to Target (please pronounce it correctly, and roll the “r” if you’re feeling spicy). It reminded me of the post above and I decided to write my own. So I present to you, Target: A Mom’s Voice.

Ready, Abe? Here we go!
I wonder if there is anything good in the $1 bins! Let’s look and see.
Ooo! What a funny squishy ball. I’m going to wiggle it in your face! Isn’t that funny? That’s funny! Ok, sit down.
Hmm, do you think we need some more of these storage containers? They might not be here the next time we come. Let me think we have 3 in your room, 1 in the sit down Abe, 1 in the play room. Yeah, let’s get 2 more.
Mommy has a list, Bubba. We need avocados and tomatoes and candy and a toy. Let’s go get those avocados first! Ok you hold the list, good idea.
Don’t eat the list. Mommy needs it.
Stop eating it sweetie or I’ll have to take it away.
Ok, Mommy’s taking the list now. I’ll hold it, thank you. Here, you hold the keys.
Three avocados, these look good. Want to hold one? No, don’t eat it yet. Just, here I’ll take it. Thank you.
Now we need to pick a fun candy out for your cousin. It’s his birthday. Sit down, Abe.
Which one do you think? Sit down. Abraham, if you stand up you  might fall out. Sit down.
Ok, let’s pick this kind. It’s a sour kind of candy. Wow, very colorful!
Please don’t scream. Use an inside voice. Where are the keys?
Alright, I’ll put the keys in here to be safe. We can’t get home if we don’t have the keys.
Shhh, too loud.
Ok last thing is a gift for your little friend. She’s turning 2! Wow!
Sit down, sweetie. No yelling.
Please, quiet voice. Too loud. Let’s keep it together to get the gift.
Wow! Look at all these toys! Sit down, you can’t reach that. It’s too high. Sit down.
Abe please stop screaming.
Do you want to get her this Abe you are going to fall out. Ok, does mama need to carry you?
Ok, here, I will carry you while we look at toys.
Look, push this button! It makes a sound! Should we get her that? Ok great, let’s put it in the cart.
Shhhh, Abe. Stop. That’s too loud.
Mommy can’t hold you if you squirm. Just hold on.
Ok. You need to sit back down. Mommy cannot hold you if you’re going to wiggle.
Abe, stop screaming. Put your feet through here. Now sit down.
Shh. Abraham, why are you screaming?
Ok, we’re going. All finished. Let’s go.
Sorry, I’m sorry everyone!
Shh, quiet. Sit down.
Ouch. Abraham that hurt. Do not scratch me. Just sit down we are leaving right now. We’re all finished.
What? I’m sorry ma’am, what? Yes, credit. Thank you.
Abe, stop it. Too loud. I’ll pick you up but only for a minute. Come here.
I cannot hold you if fine, sit in the big part of the basket.
I don’t think it’s safe to stand up in there. Sit down.
Thanks, you have a nice day, too!
Ok, no if you stand up in the basket and fall I am going to be on Dateline. Sit down.
We’re outside now, why don’t you scream now? Go ahead. Scream it up.
Seriously? Quiet as a mouse, huh? Awesome.
I’m going to leave you here. That’s what I’m going to do. What do you think of that?
Do you mind if I leave you here? Someone will probably come and take you home if you stay this quiet, huh?
Ok, mama’s going to leave you here. Love you. Byeee.

Facebook Status: (Erin Salem Cohen) He's in the Target parking lot on Roosevelt. First come first serve, but keep in mind he's got lungs on him.

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