Ooooh I’ve been noticing a lot of different realities lately. But more than that, I’ve seen a lot of realities pronouncing that their realities are the greatest realities. And that no one else should even CONSIDER living a reality different from the one that’s the RIGHT reality and we should go put all these bad realities over here and call them names and blame them for things.
Did you know that you literally create your own reality? You are living your own creations all the time. If you were raised in an abusive home, you might be living a creation of defensiveness or victimhood. If you experienced several terrible and painful break ups, you might be living a creation of unlovable or “never again!” OR. You might choose to put your pieces together in a way that slowly creates something nicer.
Your pieces give you a point of view that is ALL your own. Your very own, one-of-a-kind, life perspective that we’ll call your puzzle. And you are not required to believe, understand, or agree with anyone else’s reality! Just yours.
I think that might be where we get stuck the most. We’re allowed to create any reality we want out of the pieces we’ve been given, but once we DO, we think some of those other people ought to create the same or similar realities because ours is right and it works. It must be. It HAS to be. This reality of yours, it is SOOOOOO right to you. You have figured out the answers in your own life and they APPLY to everyone else’s because look at you! You figured it out!
But we all don’t have your pieces. We all have different pieces. And we keep trying to get our pieces to fit together like yours so you’ll like us or so you’ll hire us or so you’ll hug us. Except that we can’t because our pieces won’t ever be your pieces. You spend your time trying to tell us how our puzzle should look like yours, and when we can’t do it (because we were never meant to in the first place) we feel ashamed, unworthy, like losers.
What if my puzzle and my pieces allow me to create the most beautiful reality all my own and I get to choose to live in it no matter what you do with your pieces? What if my way is different from yours, my thoughts, opinions, ideas, what if it’s all different from yours? And what if…now take a deep breath…what if neither of our completely different puzzles is wrong? Even though you think his puzzle is intolerant and her puzzle is self-serving and their puzzles are all kinds of fucked up because “they smoke the weed!”…it might be, just maybe, that they are here to live their own puzzles. Not yours.
(Even better, what if my puzzle isn’t finished? You’re yelling at me for the way it looks, but my puzzle isn’t even finished yet. If you backed off and let me finish my puzzle in peace I just might agree with you anyway!)
Look at your own puzzle. Are you building it the way that makes you happiest? I’m not saying quit your job and go after that invention you once considered in the shower. I’m saying it’s a process, like building anything is. Stop looking at everyone else’s puzzle and just look at your own. Do you want to have more friends? Different cars? A better price for cable? Are you dying to go on vacation or have a date night once a week with your partner? Look at your puzzle, what’s working and what’s not working, and then slowly move the pieces around and find ways to fit them together to make the most beautiful reality you can think of a little bit at a time. As you do, I’ll do the same with my puzzle and I won’t even look at yours; not even if we meet for lunch.
If we all did that, just focused on being happy, we might find that other peoples’ realities didn’t matter near as much and we could spend far less time comparing.