I’m not ready to process my feelings about the shooting in Connecticut today. We’re all having emotional responses, mostly based in fear. Fear isn’t a place to work from so I’m going to get through another day or two before I comment. In the mean time I’m going to go on with business as usual…
I’ve gotten some amazing responses to my search for the “pre-requisites to worthiness” conversation I started last Friday, thanks to my new bestie Brene Brown.
Here are two more answers to, “What are your pre-requisites to worthiness?” This mom has young children and her answers made me laugh (because it’s me, too):
1. Clean, orderly house.
2. Smart, outgoing, loving, kind child (all thanks to my tremendous parenting).
3. Healthy, work out five times a week, no overeating, no drinking too much and not a thought to cigarettes (because it’s been awhile, but I still think about them — a lot).
4. Loving, happy marriage where everything is equal, we hold hands in public, and have sex three times a week.
5. Wonderful, fulfilling career that takes up at least 40 hours a week because I’m so necessary.
I am most definitely guilty of applying every single one of these pre-reqs to myself. I literally laughed out loud after I finished reading them, not because I didn’t agree, because they rang so true that I was completely embarrassed for myself.
And this mom gave me pause because her children are now grown, so she offers perspective:
I had to think about this in two frames of mind: what it was like when I was younger and had two little boys to contend with and then as an adult with grown children and the life I live now.
As it turned out, there wasn’t a lot of difference in the answers. I have to be wanted. Needed. Affirmed of my intelligence and insight and, last but certainly not least, LOVED. How do I do that? I put my make-up on even when sweats or PJ’s sound so much better. The need to be Super Mom and to “clean up” whatever messes my children made/make in order to make them feel as though I am always there for them, even when being “there” for them was probably detrimental to their upbringing and current situations. AKA taking homework or lunch money to school when they had forgotten so that they didn’t go without to now paying their rent so they’re not living on the streets. What once was important, making homemade baby food, crafting amazing homemade Christmas stockings, coaching my sons’ baseball teams, being the Sr. BA on projects after coming from a less than academic background to prove that I was “worthy.” It made me realize that the only “worthy” I can feel is when I feel good about myself. No one else can make me feel worthy, that has to come from me. Being proud of me, of my achievements, of my accomplishments and the fact that I stand here today with all of the baggage that has come dragged behind me and I still feel pretty good about the person that I am…regardless of what someone else may stamp me with their approval of worthiness.
If you want to share your pre-requisites to worthiness list, let me know. Let’s keep telling on the secrets we keep!