October 2011 archive

My Mom’s Potroast

Dinner: My mom’s potroast. I would give you the recipe but you wouldn’t be able to make it taste as good as she does anyway. I can’t.

The wooden spoon insisted on posing. Diva.

Ok, but seriously.
Cover the chuck in garlic salt and pepper (COVER IT). Sear it at the bottom of a pan with onions and garlic. Cover it in wine and stock. Turn it to medium and leave it for 20 min. Add in your root veggies that take the longest to cook (celery, carrots, parsnips). Leave it for an hour-hour and a half. Add in faster cooking veggies like zucchini and peas. Turn it down to low and leave it a half an hour. Serve over egg noodles or, as I do, over rice noodles (no gluten). Abe ate about half this pot.

You Don’t Know Until You Know

I find that Abe’s growth spurts ebb and flow, and so do my like and dislike of his different phases. I am really looking forward to this 14-18 month phase being OVER. And yes, I know every single mother on the planet is now saying, “YOU’LL MISS IT WHEN IT’S GONE!” Do I miss Abe when he was little and cuddly and fit perfectly in my arms?? Yes, I do. But not as much as I like sleeping.

I look forward to when he can walk and I can take him to the park without watching his knees scrape across wood chips as he desperately tries to make it to the swings. I look forward to when he can talk and tell me what the freak he wants for lunch instead of screaming and throwing foods that didn’t happen to be on his most desirable foods menu that day. I look forward to when I can point things out and discuss things with Abraham instead of pointing things out and then talking to myself for a half an hour while he chews on his fist and poops. Like today for example:

I’m in the car with Abe and at every single stoplight there is a police car with an inordinate amount of lights flashing. More than just the, “Get your hearts ready, I’m coming up behind ya!” lights you usually see. But lights coming from everywhere. I think the tires were lighting up. Cops weren’t stopping anybody, just sitting there at each light. I kept saying to Abe, “Look! Look at all these lights, Abe! What are all these cops doing??” Did he look? I don’t know, I doubt it. Finally as we approached the next light we came to a standstill. The next disco-ball of a cop car sitting at the light began blocking off the lanes of traffic going my direction. A big concrete median in the middle of the road, there was nowhere for us to go. “Can you believe this, Abe? We’re stuck here!” (I am so sick of talking to myself.) Suddenly in the distance I saw a few motorcycles lit up like Christmas trees. Then a few more behind that. “OH! Abe! I think this is a motorcade! It’s either a funeral or a famous person! Can you see it?” A flash of the local news from the night before reminded me that the first lady was supposed to be in town today and just as it flashed, it hit me! A big black Yukon surrounded by motorcycles and cop cars? That’s the first lady! “THAT’S THE PRESIDENT’S WIFE! SCREAM ABE! SHOUT HELLO!” I rolled my window down.

“MICHELLE!!! MICHELLE OBAMA!!!” As I screamed Michelle Obama’s name out of my mid-size SUV window, I realized that I’ve reached that point during motherhood WHEN women get pregnant with a second child. Because it’s going to be at least a year before I can get Abe to scream out of his window at celebrities and presidents’ wives or respond to me in the grocery store. And until then what am I supposed to do? Go on talking to myself in public and hating this phase of Abe’s screamy little life? NO! I’M SUPPOSED TO HOLE UP AND GET PREGNANT TO DISTRACT MYSELF!

So that’s why you moms have one right after the other so quickly. See, you just don’t know until you know.


So we did it. Seven days of the cleanse!

We celebrated with wine.

At the end of it all my husband lost 10 pounds and I lost a little over 4. It was pretty nuts (no pun intended) how much food we were consuming. Of course, we were still hungry for the foods we were used to eating, but we weren’t really HUNGRY.

Before we had our supper reintroducing us into the eating world (which consisted of an amazing spinach and mushroom salad with a friend egg on top, grilled onions and a generous portion of strip steak) we decided to discuss what we learned from the cleanse. My typical reaction to eating anything with carbs or sugar is to get a little headache and to feel tired. Sometimes I feel dizzy, sometimes nauseous. This past week: NO SYMPTOMS. I felt great, so I learned that there is definitely a difference in my body between eating carbs of any kind and not eating carbs of any kind. A great example of this is my lunch yesterday. A great friend made some soup for David’s family, all from scratch. She used some flour to thicken it up but otherwise fresh meats and veggies. I had a TERRIBLE headache and almost fell asleep at my desk after I finished. Last night for supper I had fried eggs and homemade tomato sauce of fresh spinach and a big spinach salad (we had a lot of spinach left). I felt great!

Another thing I learned is I don’t need nearly as much food as I think I do.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, all that food is kind of silly if any of it is not full of nutrition and vitamins my body needs. Cheat days? Yes, please. But on a daily basis I don’t need to eat like someone could be taking all the food in the world away tomorrow. And eating good fats and lots of veggies is key to my body feeling good. Also, keep in mind I started some light exercise last week while I was eating no animal proteins and no carbs, and I felt fine. Great even.

The last thing I learned? I really love to cook and I love complex tasting food. While I could do that cleanse a few times a year, I could never live that way. I really missed the way flavors combined to create a meal that makes us feel like kings when we eat it. I don’t think I could ever give that up, but I could definitely change the ingredients I use.

So will I  keep eating meat? Yes, so long as it is organic and raised humanely. Will I keep eating carbs? Probably not. I don’t feel good when I eat them. I’m sure occasionally I’ll indulge in some treats or a nice, healthy Italian meal. And Thanksgiving will be a free-for-all.

I go back to the nutritionist to learn about the next steps of beating PCOS and diabetes: supplements!!! This part could take a while to suss out, so stay tuned!

What I Think They’re Saying.



Abe and Lucy at the dogs' bowls.

Lucy: So you eat your lunch, and then you come in here and eat this?

Abe: Yep. Everyday.

Lucy: And do you like, chew it? Or suck on it? Or, how does it work?

Abe: Suck on it, mostly. Until my mom comes in and sticks her fingers in my mouth. Then I just bang on the bowls and splash in the water.

Lucy: That’s awesome. Hey, where are you pants?

Abe: Not sure. 

Watch Your Mouth

Now that Abe is beginning to use some words (mostly Mama when he’s upset and Dada when he’s THRILLED), we’re having to watch what we say. Obviously he understands a lot more than he can express, but I don’t think he knows what cuss words mean yet. Right? Somebody back me up on this. I’m not too late, am I?

Anyway, as I’ve begun censoring myself I’ve started making notes of the things I’m about to say vs. the things I actually end up saying and I’ve determine I say a LOT of inappropriate things on a daily basis. So I’ve compiled a lit of “What I wanted to say” and then “What I said.” Eek. Not only am I a potty mouth, I’m not too creative. I chose some of the more tame examples for you here:

And we’re off like a prom dress!
And we’re off like a pr-etty baby.

Abe – you are crawling like a bat out of hell!
Abe – you are crawling like a bat out of… a big cave!

Shut the hell up, are you serious?
Shut the helllllman’s mayonaise, are you serious? And can you believe I just said that?

Get off my ass, dude.
Get off my aaaaabumper.

Damnit. (This one’s too short and I haven’t been able to catch myself in time before saying the whole word.)

What’s up, bitches?!
What’s up, bi-iiitty little people in the world?!

This list doesn’t include the time I helped my baby wiggle his rump to “I’m Bringing Sexy Back”. Have you ever really listened to the lyrics in that song? It’s borderline offensive.

Now you. What do you catch yourself saying in place of something dirty?

Cleaning my Body – Days 4 & 5

The past 2 days have actually been good. I’ve been drinking my juice, eating my steamed vegetables and nuts, and all the supplements the doctor ordered. Wednesday was definitely the worst.

My husband, on the other hand, had a BAD day today. He missed food so much today that he wandered around aimlessly getting nothing done and then came home to tell me all the work he had to do this weekend. I referred him to Wednesday’s blog. I get it.

This week I discovered a television show called The Chew on ABC. Have you seen this show? It’s like the food network, but better. I actually think I’d enjoy virtually all of their recipes, and they post them on their website after the show is over. I already have a recipe folder on my desktop with all the things we’re going to eat next week. Spinach and steak salad with a bacon vinaigrette? Yes please.

This has caused me to reflect on why I’m doing this. I mean, to eat like a victim of some steamed vegetable tyranny for an entire week seems pointless if you follow it up with a ribeye and cheese-drizzled potato fries. But there really is a point to all the torture (and I might not go STRAIGHT for the bacon). After I found out I had PCOS, the mainstream docs all told me there is no cure, no way for me to balance my hormones without the use of hormone replacements or birth control pills or SOMETHING. Essentially, I’ll never be a normal girl. But when I talked to my nutritionist, he didn’t seem to feel like that has to be the case. And if I wipe my body clean of all the junk for a week and we examine how I react to certain foods and other natural supplements, there’s a good chance that within 4-6 months I could have my body back under control all without chemicals. I could even be fertile on my own. I mean, I’m not sure how long you and I have been friends but if you know anything about me it’s that it took a lot of nurses, doctors, syringes, and fertility gods to get me pregnant. And I love my kid, but I don’t want to do all of that again. So I’ll keep you updated on how this little self-discovery goes. Now I’m off to have my macadamia nuts and a good round of Angry Birds.

Cleaning my Body – Day 3

Holy crap it’s day 3. Is day 3 the hardest? Day 3 better be the hardest.

6:15am – Abe can’t find his pacifier and flails around in an incoherent moan until I traipse upstairs, climb nearly entirely into the crib to find a pacifier, and fall asleep in a chair rocking Abe back to sleep.

7:30am – Abe is up. We’re all up. I could really use coffee. We get Black Tea instead of Green Tea this morning because daddy made a run to the grocery store last night. I also hate Black Tea, UNLESS it has CREAM AND SUGAR. The British would be appauled at the way we drank, no, abused the tea this morning.

8:30am – Abe has eaten 2 eggs, half an avocado, half a banana, and some cheerios. I’ve had 3 cups of spinach and 1 cup of berries in the blender. I want french toast.

10:30am – Leaving for the office. Late. Hungry. Eating nuts on the way to work.

11:00am-4:00pm – I don’t stop drinking green drink, water, or eating nuts and berries for the entirety of this 5 hour period. Except for a half an hour in the middle when I eat an entire bowl of Hippy Soup. For being on a cleanse, I sure am eating a lot.

5:30pm – I’m home. I want chicken. With butter and garlic. And some red wine. I eat avocado, tomato, steamed beets, squash, potatoes, and green beans instead. Then for dessert my husband sneaks me a piece of celery with peanut butter. Don’t tell the nutritionist.

8:00pm – I want chocolate, popcorn, spaghetti, and flan. I don’t recall if I’ve ever had flan, but I’d like to try it. I’ve heard that day 3 is when the real toxic-exodus occurs and can cause the worst cravings and most irritability. I’m pretty sure my husband can confirm the irritability part. But, I mean, honestly if he wasn’t so damn annoying with all his chewing and the whole touching my foot with his foot when we sit on the floor crap then I wouldn’t have to yell.

Cleaning my Body – Day 2

I made it through the first day. Hardest part, right?? By the way, someone could have notified me that I was  joining the YMCA the week of my cleanse. This was not smart.

7:45am – Wake up late because Abe slept in. Coffee. Where is the coffee? I HATE GREEN TEA.

9:00am – Make a BIG smoothie of spinach, berries, lemon, and mint. LOTS of spinach. It’s good. Sipping on it all morning. And having some nuts and seeds for good measure.

11:00am – Already finished with my huge smoothie and I kinda want a burger. Contemplating sneaking out to Five Guys.

12:00pm – Husband is working from home today; caught me trying to sneak to Five Guys. Having Hippy Soup, which is what I now call it.

2:00pm – Talked to the nutritionist. He tells me not to eat too much fruit but that I can have avocados, chic peas, and SALT. IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. I am now salting everything. I just salted my hand.

5:00pm – Abe wants dinner. I make him a hotdog, some peas, and a little pasta. Avocado for dessert. Abe’s dinner is better than mine.

6:00pm – I’m so tired I could take a nap. I lie on the floor with Abe and fall asleep for 10 minutes before David wakes me up and reminds me I have Bosu Abs at the Y.

6:45pm – Have you ever tried to complete a Bosu Abs class 1 year post baby while “cleansing”? I just rolled around on the floor unless the instructor was looking and then I made a pained face and pretended to do the work. I have no abs left. What do you want from me? And now I want a Snickers.

8:00pm – Amazing dinner, believe it or not. Fresh campata tomatoes with avocado and parsley. Squash, beets, green beans, and mushrooms all steamed in garlicky water. Now where did I put my ribeye…



Cleaning my Body – Day 1

I’m on a quest to regain myself. To take control of what goes into my body and what my body does on a daily absis. I want to reintroduce myself to…myself. I’m talking spiritually, physically, and mentally. I’m reading books, going to the YMCA, and this week, participating in a cleanse* with my husband. And because I’m assuming this will lead to magnificent revelations about life, or at the very least vomiting in a Zumba class, I’m sharing. It’s what I do.

Day 1 of the cleanse

7am – Weigh myself. 113lbs. (Before all the normal-sized women start throwing a fit, I’m 5’0″ tall – with shoes on – and you could fit my ankles through a garden hose. I’m a small person and that doesn’t mean I don’t need to lose weight. I was 105 pre-baby. And some of my pre-pregnancy jeans still don’t fit. There.)

8am – Drink green tea. I hate green tea. I miss coffee.

9am – Frantically call the local natural food store the minute they open to order my green drink for the day. Bob, the juice bar guy, is very helpful and kind considering the state I’m in (so hungry I can barely string a sentence together).

9:10am – Drive to the natural food store to get juice. My son is none too happy about this, as it is his nap time. He’s loud.

9:20am – $18 later, 2 giant green drinks in hand, and I’m drinking. Fast. Because I’m hungry.

9:22am – Someone cuts me off and one of my big plastic cups of green drink falls over. I bend over until I reach it and pick it up with minimal spillage. It was shocking how little I lost considering how hard I slammed on the brakes. I shouted only loud enough so Abe could hear, “YOU MADE ME SPILL MY GREEN DRINK” because any louder and the person who cut me off would likely have flipped me off, called me a hippy and told me to go Occupy Jacksonville. Only after I replaced it in the cup holder did I realize I’d just spend nearly 20 seconds without even being eye level with the windshield so that I could “Save the Green Juice.”

9:30am – I snack on seeds and nuts and green drink. I’d like some coffee. And a cinnabon.

11:00am – I have some fruit with my green drink. I’m actually feeling good.

12:00pm – It’s lunch time and to be honest, I’m not hungry. Going to wait a while until I am.

1:00pm – Heating up homemade vegetable and sprouted bean soup. Delicious. Not hungry but shoving it in.

3:00pm – Take Abe to the doctor for a shot. This isn’t part of the cleanse but he was so upset with the nurse that she brought him stickers and a toy to help calm him down. He looked at her like, “Really, lady? You shoot some deadly form of disease into my leg and stickers should fix it?”

4:00pm – More nuts. More fruit. I’m out of green drink. More nuts.

6:00pm – Zumba class. I should have had more soup before I left the house. I’m starving and I look completely ridiculous trying to mamba or salso or whatever dance this is. I’d like a hamburger.

7:15pm – I steam green beans and mushrooms and eat them with fruit and nuts. I try having an intelligent conversation with my husband. We both give up and watch TV.

9:30pm – I’m tired and going to bed, but I surprisingly don’t feel all that badly for having eaten sticks and berries all day long. Though, I do wish I could have some popcorn. And a cinnabon.



*My husband and I are on a cleanse prescribed by our nutritionist. We’re following his strict advice and speak with him daily. What I’m saying is: Don’t try this at home.

Men are Interesting

Me: I need to run to Target this morning. I went yesterday afternoon and after I got all packed up, got my list and my gift card, drove there, unloaded Abe and the fan I wanted to return, I finally got inside and realized I left the gift card and the receipt for the fan on the counter. Argh!! They ended up letting me return the fan because I had the credit card I used with me, thankfully. So I want to run back with the gift card to finish getting everything on my list.

Husband: Ok, babe. Sounds good!

One Hour Later.

Me: Alright, I’m running to Target.

Husband: You are?

Me: Yeah. Remember? I told you…

Husband: Oh right. Ok! Great. Good luck returning everything.

Me: What?

Husband: Returning the stuff you bought yesterday. All that stuff.

Me: Ok. Thanks.